(Scott Cassin)

Welcome to the Mullet Bowling Banquet in the beautiful basement of Stanley’s Kitchen and Tap.

Hopefully, the ceiling will not open up the floods of hell all over the food, like last year, but I guess it would not be truly MULLET, without crashing ceilings, Metal music, the golden glove and Z, who takes pictures for the Website, but somehow still manages to get his mug in pretty much all of them.

Well, we made the move from Diversey Rock and Bowl over to Waveland and Sportsmonster.

I still have no idea what the fuck their scoring system is…… and I still can’t get the lane oil off of my hands and my balls. - Pause - Maybe that’s a good thing.

Mel, I know that Diversey screwed us, but a move back over there might be best for the league. At Waveland, we had to cut down to 6 teams, there wasn’t any music, and most importantly…and the real reason why we need to head back to Diversey…. the bartender at Waveland was a guy….with no more than an A cup!

Now, I would like to make some comments about the fine teams that make up the Mullet Bowling League!

First…..The Mulletizzles!

Jay – Andy – Michelle and Scott.

I used the word first, because that will be the only time they will hear that word associated with their team.

Seriously though, they were a ton of fun to play against, because they socialized and had a few beers, which is the heart and soul of the Mullet Bowling League.

Next…The 4-Piece McMullets

Scott, Brice, Chewy, Sheri and Andrea or Shandrea

As I look back on our season I can easily pinpoint the turning point to our season...for the worse. Week 3. Brice bowls a 192, a 243 and a 253. Pretty good! But, our team scores were 748, 738 and 649. Brice bowled a 253 gross and our team score was 649, with handicap! And we lost all three games to the Mulletini’s. Brice, we let you down.

However, on the flip side…..your handicp screwed us the rest of the season.

Our next team is the Mulletini’s

Lana, Phil, Neil and Jon

I thought this team would make a strong run at the title this year. There was,

Lana, the fiery competitor and team leader

Phil, the Military Man. Unshakable, while laughing in the face of pressure

Neil- A quiet competitor that plays with pinpoint accuracy

And Jon – He can flex his forearm and throw the ball really fast.

The Mulletov Cocktails
Melissa, Ed, Jason and Amy

The 2003 Champions! Much like the Mulletini’s, you had the ingredients to repeat and once again, be champions.

You had Mel- The fiery competitor and team leader. Huh…it is almost like you and Lana are twins.

Ed and Amy – Always great bowlers that probably led the league in well wishing and smiles

Jason – You may have been the problem this year, because of your mid-season bout with Diarrhea

Our Second Place team…The Animulls
Z, Angela, Nathan and Tricia

An underrated team going into the playoffs considering that your team knocked down 16,365 pins this year, which was good for third most in the league!…….

Wait, that’s a typo…You actually had a lot more than that.

You had 16,406 pins! I forgot to ad Z’s whopping 41 in week 5.

Our Champions…the Porn Mullets!
Shin, Buck, Roman and Schalk
I must say that the teams that win always have the same theme….

Playing their best when it really counts. I respect and admire that.

Who am I kidding, I just liked their nudie cards.

Last but not least, I want to give a kind, warm, heart felt thank you and a big hand to our subs! Especially to two in particular.

Barb Mills who always seemed to help any team on any given week.

And Matt Krauss, who always seemed to screw my team on any given week.

Thank you for allowing me to be your host again this year, and at this time, I want to hand things over to Melissa.